"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone’s dying to get in."
GG Miller
This is the Polo Gang..
Just posting corny dad jokes.
"What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing. It just let out a little...wine."
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
"My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
; Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he had 'no-body' to go with.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
“Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.”
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
I got barred from weight watchers today it wasn't my fault it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room all i did was say that it was the funniest game of hungry hungry hippo's that I have ever seen
What stresses a baby strawberry out? When its mom is in a jam.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
What's Momma bear's favorite baseball team? The Cubs.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.