The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.
Worst Jokes Ever
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?
Black ops.
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
What do you call a black guy on the moon?
YOU RACISTS! An astronaut!
Did you know every market in Africa is a black market?
If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."
What do Germans do to ask a question? They salute.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
