Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.
How do you get a blonde to drown?
Stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
What do orphans do at parent teacher meetings?
What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.