Worst Jokes Ever
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
What's the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Their kneecaps.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”