Worst Jokes Ever

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

What color flowers do mama cats like to get?

Purrrrrrrple flowers.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

Why do some couples go to the gym together?

Because they want their relationship to work out.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

Why was the leper hockey game canceled?

It was because of a face-off in the corner.

I usually hang up Halloween decorations,

but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.

What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.

I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."