Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
"Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.
TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.
I think we know why.
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Your forehead is so big that NASA went to discover Mars, but then they said, "Oops, wrong planet. Mars is smaller than this, we will discover it later."
My parents used to make me and my siblings apologize to the ground when we stomped.
If I had done "it," I would have gotten SO many apologies.
My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.
And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
Little Johnny asked the teacher why you were no shirt. Teacher says, "Because I want to." The teacher drops her pencil and picks it up. The class starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" A kid took off your bra, and we see your squish sexy boobs.
Americans: we drive on the right side of the road
The British: we drive on the left side of the road
Russia: ROAD IS ROAD *crashing noises follow*
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
