What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
We have decided to delete this part of this site on 10/24/2022.
Welcome to Joe's pizza, you make 'em, we bake 'em.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
President Joe Biden was jogging through some different jogging paths around this great county we live in and was jogging through Alabama and fell off into a swamp filled with killer alligators, and these 3 boys named Willie, Roman, and Little Johnny saw him fall in and jumped in and drug him to safety, and the president was like "Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO much. I'm gonna give you boys a reward for saving my life," and asks them what their names were and what they wanted. The first boy said, "My name's Willy, and I want to go to Disneyland," and the president said, "No problem, and I'll take you personally." The 2nd boy said, "My name's Roman, and I want an autographed pair of Air Jordan Nikes," and the president said, "No troubles at all," and the 3rd boy says, "My name's Little Johnny, and I want a power wheelchair with an awesome stereo and killer wheels," and the president says, "You don't look handicapped, Little Johnny," and Little Johnny said, "I'm not, but as soon as I tell my parents who I saved, I will be"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
I screamed "Jenga" in history class today. We were watching a documentary on 9/11.
Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?
Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: No problem, Quarantine.
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
What do we want? Racecar noises!
When do we want them? NEOWWWWW!
Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
