Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?
Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?
Shut up and comb your face.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
We need to stop making jokes about orphans. They will tell their parents. Oh wait...
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
We need to stop with all the discrimination here! I don’t discriminate! I love all races, even the bad ones, I’m a fan of all genders, even the fake ones, and am a fan of all nationalities, even the alien kinds.
Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."
Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.
Yo mamma so fat that she like that ocean, we haven't even explored 5% of her yet.
What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?
"We are Pickle Ricks!"
What a world we live in. Now we’re making jokes about anorexic people.
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
Yo mama so stupid that she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
We are in a matrix, wake up.
