True jokes
War isn't about who's right. It's about who's left.
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
This is American politics that is not true.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*