Why can’t you have a proper conversation with the gay person? They’re never straight with you
Why are camels known as ships of the desert? Because they’re full of Arab semen
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”
Why do Mexicans take Xanax? Because they’re Hispanic attacks
Why don't rappers ever play baseball?
Because they're too busy DROPPING HITS
What's do rappers like cantaloupe?
Because they’re always dropping fresh MELON
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
Because they're all about those DENTAL GRILLS
Why don't rappers ever gamble?
Because they're always dropping BEATS, not BETS
Emos They're always a cut above the rest.
Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people? They're calling it Finding Emo.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
![1) buy a lobster
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My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
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14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident](/2/65cf7ea8a37d5421dd92e8dc.jpg)
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Why do the Chinese children don't believe in Santa? Because they're the ones making the toys.
Why do white people own a lot of pets? Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
If you don’t know the difference between their, there and they’re, then your and idiot.
