The jokes

Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

Why was Stephen Hawking never trusted when taking a quiz?

"No computers allowed on the test!"

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower?

One is beautiful.

What did the magician do as a trick in his show?

Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.

Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors, which door should you pick?

The seventh door.

Jeff crosses the US border.

The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.

Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."

My love for you is like poop.

Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.

I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

Literally the most popular job: YouTube.

Where did Suzie go after the bombing?

Everywhere.

When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,

You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

Why did the emo kid cross the road? To get a box of tissues!

When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.

No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.

Why did Peter bring toilet roll to the party? Because he was a party pooper!