The jokes
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
The Twin Towers are just like genders.
There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive topic.
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
Roses are red, violets are blue, the stonks are high, and so are you.
Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.
The people in the World Trade Center ordered two pepperoni, but got two planes.
Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?
They won’t be found because no one will look for them.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
How do u make a sausage roll?
Push it down the hill.🍆
Why can't an orphan use an Apple iPad?
Because it can't find the home button...
Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.
A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."