The jokes
Why did the rapper sit on the clock?
He wanted to keep it real with TIME.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
What’s a rapper’s favorite part of the house?
The rhyme cellar.
Why did the rapper visit the bank?
To get his RHYME CHECK.
Why was the rapper bad at basketball?
He could only dribble rhymes.
Why did the booty break up with the fart?
It was just too much GASLIGHTING.
Why was the booty so good at poker?
Because it always had a good PAIR.
What did the booty say to the chair?
"You complete me!"
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To get to the other side of the TRACK.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Why did the rapper join a gym?
To get those SICK BARS.
Why don't rappers tell secrets?
Because they always spill the beats.
Why did the rapper always carry a pencil?
In case he had to draw a crowd.
Why don't rappers ever get lost?
Because they always know where the BEAT is.
What did the booty say when it was asked to help?
"I've got your backside covered!"
Why was the booty so good at math?
It knew all the ANGLES.