The jokes
Why couldn't the pony sing a song?
He was a little horse.
Why does a leaf fall faster than an Emo?
The Emo hangs himself.
Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
Why did I give the orphan an iPhone 14?
Because there is no home button.
Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.
What's the difference between a McDonald's and the Twin Towers?
McDonald's has a drive-thru.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
What is wrong with the orphan website? It doesn't have a homepage.
We should stop the orphan jokes. The parents will get mad.
At 9/11, the people in the Twin Towers ordered pizza. They asked for pepperoni, but instead got plane.
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.