The jokes

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?

An orphan has all their teeth intact.

Why do orphans eat cereal with milk?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?

Paul Walker's death.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

A dragon.

A dragon who?

The dragon gonna drag its balls across your face.

Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.

You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"