The jokes
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
Why is the ocean blue?
A: Because the fish go, "blu-blu."
I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple has a family tree.
Do you want to know how the NY Jets got their name?
Can you f**k out of here?
Karen says:
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Q: When a chip gets popped, what happens to it?
A: It gets pooped out of the bag.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.
Your forehead is so big that your name is Humpty Dumpty, the big forehead!
I think your hairline might have the hiccups.
Answer to it: You might have to give it a wash in the shower.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Midixadrupin, Midixarizin or Dixafix.
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
The orphan can’t play soccer because he doesn’t know where home is, and his school is too dumb to learn.
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.