The jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.

I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."

Whoever said white people can't jump obviously hasn't seen the 9/11 footage.

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Yo mama so fat, she went outside and became the sun.

Anyone remember the following?

Yo momma is so fat, when she fell I was not laughing, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!

Planes shouldn't have free Wi-Fi. Why? Because the last time they had free Wi-Fi, well here's what happened...

On September eleventh 2001, (children scream).

My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

I heard that the World Orphan Organization has a sponsor... DC Comics.

Your mama's so fat, when she went to the movies, she sat next to everyone.

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.

A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.

The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.

All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”