The jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was depressed.
Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
Yo mama so fat and old, she's the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs!
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.
What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.