The jokes
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?
Me: The boomerang came back.
Your dad left for the milk because of your McDonald's hairline!
If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?
If Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country is a 3rd world country?
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
I bet the emo kids are jealous when they go to a funeral.
Yo hairline so bent even Bob the Builder can’t fix it!
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
Why are there so many black men in the NBA that only want to play basketball on a all black basketball team? because they prefer to suck a long and thick big black dick
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
Why did the first boob say to the 2nd boob: "Between us, I have to take a tit."