The jokes
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
Why can't 12 boys go down the elevator? Because they have nothing to press the buttons.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
If I had to rate the attack on the Twin Towers from the Muslims, I'd give it a 9/11.
What's the difference between a flower and an orphan?
One is allowed in the house.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find the home plate.
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.
I got kicked out of the library because I put the woman's right book in the non-fiction section.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.