The jokes
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan is more capable of speaking clearly.
The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.
Bro wtf is all this!?
Like fr tho none of this be funny... messed up af to joke abt sum shii that ppl go thru.
The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.
One was just a plane tortilla.
The other one was also just a plane tortilla.
And the third one went to the wrong address.
The north tower wanted some salted fries at Burger King.
They were plane as usual.
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers, it can dodge!
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Pickup line for gay people:
Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.
I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.
I love my job at the orphanage.
Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?
Wait a minute! What am I talking about?
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.
Yo mama's so ugly, even the kid in the wheelchair ran.
Yo mamma's so fat no one was laughing, but the ground was cracking up.
People thought they were going to another country till they saw terrorists were flying the plane.
What do you call a son of Gilgamesh that hates flashy lights? The epileptic of Gilgamesh.