The jokes
Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.
Putin: Crimea river.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What do you call an emo furry squad?
The suicide furs.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
You're so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, you broke the correction.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
What did the toaster say to the toast?
"I want you inside me."
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?
The Doughker.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he'll be warm the rest of his life.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?
Might in dynamite.