The jokes

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I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.

It was impossible to put down.

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What did the Titanic say as it sank?

I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

Your hairline so back that back in the day of your hairline, Burger King was called "Burger Prince."