The jokes
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
How is being gay like a geology class?
You get to lick all the rocks you want.
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
I have 25 friends in the alphabet.
But I don't know why.
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
Yo mama so fat, she got more rolls than the sand dunes.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”