The jokes
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
"Is Mrs. Wall here?"
"No."
"Is Mr. Wall here?"
"No."
"Then what is holding up the walls?"
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron!
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
How did Stephen Hawking die? He went in the rain! 😂😂😂
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!