The jokes
How ISS greets their friend.
"You the BOMB!"
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Did you hear the score in the Egypt vs Ethiopia football game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
Stephen Hawking died because he got hacked by me, and the update was too strong.
What bathroom does a trumpet go to?
The brass room...
What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
What's small, has no dad, and looks like Bugs Bunny?
Ben after he trips over the giant curb!
As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.