The jokes

My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

What does a glass of water ask a pond?

"Water you doing?"

What does the pond answer?

"Pondering life."

Stephen Hawking drove too far away from the wall and unplugged himself.

what's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop up an onion.

What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...

There is always a kitchen in the back.

Why was Aaron's mum sad? The bus missed Aaron.

Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.

Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?

In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.

What's the difference between Andy and acne?

Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.

What does Adam look like?

The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."

A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

This is the biggest joke ever - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5j-BH_WdBXdzeoOdG2v2dA

Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.

What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?

A girl actually dates the paper.

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?

A: Open up its little legs.

When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...