The jokes
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.
Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
Why couldn't the penguin cross the road?
It was ran over. 🐧
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.
There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
Wow, why so many of the same joke?
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red Ferrari?
I don't have the Ferrari.
What's green and smells like ham?
Kermit the frog's fingers.
What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.