The jokes
Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?
You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
Spaceballs: The Joke.
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
Spaceballs: The Comment.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Stormtrooper: What happened to the Jedi Order?
Palpatine: Slew it!
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."