The jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!
Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?
You: No.
Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus.
What was the one test Stephen Hawking couldn't pass? The beep test.
One day, there was an ugly barnacle. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end!
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
Why did Stephen Hawking go out in the rain?
Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
I wake up in the morning and I suck my teeth.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
Why did the skeleton eat tacos?
Because he was hungry.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"