The jokes
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.
Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"
Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."
Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"
Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."
Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"
Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"
What step did the DNA not take in his math equation?
He forgot to adenine!
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay person's house!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
What’s the difference between Burger King and Ron Jeremy?
BK doesn’t sell real meat.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.
Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...
I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.
I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side! Haha, so funny...
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.