The jokes
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Why wasn’t the cheese 🧀 happy?
It was blue 😔.
A boy was following me for 8 years, even into the stall. I finally told him I’m not gay.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris flush the toilet?
He doesn’t have to, he scares the shit out of the toilet.
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
Do people live on the Earth 🌏? Yes, a lot of people live on the Earth 🌎.
Disabled people can help the world to get a printed copy of "Leaning Tower of Pisa," exactly leaned at an angle.
No one. Beyoncé said "To the left, to the left!" She really meant women have no rights.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?
It sinks it.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Why did ranch tell fridge to close the door?
He was dressing.
I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.
Guys to wind the clock up?
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
How do you think the unthinkable? An iceberg.
The History of the Star Spangled Banner. By Jose Cannusee.