The jokes
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
What time is it when a rooster sits on a fence? Morning.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.
What time is it when a lawyer sits on the fence? Time for an elephant to sit on the fence.
My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.
I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.
When you're going to Titanic: It's the best ship in the world.
When you know it's sinking: It's the poor ship!
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Yes yes yes the yes yes he did but what u tolk xjxfjgjcmbjhdkggdjlud.
What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.
Why did the child drop their ice cream?
They got hit by a bus.
This is a Cuphead joke.
Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!
Q. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name! 😂
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
What do tomatoes 🍅 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The MOOOOvie theater.