The jokes
What's the difference between your dad and cancer?
Cancer came back...
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
Why do orphans always go to church? Because that’s the only place they could call someone "father."
Why didn't the Asian get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?
One has papers.
I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!