The jokes
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
The chicken wasn’t invented then.
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"
I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
Now he's a bronze fish.
Did you hear about the nasty tuna fish?
He was rotten to the albacore.
What did the banana say to Ethan, Ryan, and Cooper?
"Hi!"
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
What's the difference between you and your mom?
I slept with your mom.
Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.
Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
What's the difference between your dad and cancer?
Cancer came back...