The jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
Why did Trump's brain cross the road?
Oh wait, there is no other side.
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
What did the corn say to the flying apple?
"That's corny."
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
True story.
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with!
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;
What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
What is the definition of Endless Love?
Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis!
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What do you call the type of photo an orphan takes?
A selfie.
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)