The jokes
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
Want another joke? Look in the mirror.
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Why did the number 10 make friends with 0? Because you have $100 dollars.
I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."
So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.
So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"
So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
Have you ever heard of the stupid coyote? He got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of his legs, and was still stuck!
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Why didn't the seagull fly over the bay? Because it would be a bagel.
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
What is the Titanic's favorite mint?
Icebreakers.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!