The jokes
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
ISIS is the mark of the beast.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
What is the number one song played in Columbine High? Smells Like Teen Spirit.
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?
At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
Why are women’s feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
Why did the baby cross the road? The car seat wasn’t strapped in.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."