The jokes
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.
Have you seen the inside of Helen Keller's houses? She hasn't.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
What's the difference between cancer and my dad?
Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭
I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)
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Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."