The jokes

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

You: Yeah, but why so many people?

Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

You: Dude!!!!

Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?

One has a home.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

Why did Gwen go to the store? To have a new.

"I work with animals," the man said to his date.

His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

"I am a butcher," said the man.

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

So, a guy and his brother were walking in the woods, and his brother said, "It's getting dark out here, can we go home?"

The man said, "I know, think how I will feel walking home tonight!"

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.

Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Why did Monaco cross the road? It smashed a 1-mile radius of the road + the chicken.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.