The jokes

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How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.

Why can you not let an orphan touch an iPhone 7? Because it would break if they touched the home button.

What did the acorn say when it grew up?

Geometry.

(Geometry= "Gee, I'm a tree!")

What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

"That's nacho cheese!"

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.

Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

Yo mama so fat that when she was on the moon, she had it sent right into the abyss of outer space.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme, but you can hear a hormone.

In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?

Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

To anyone who wants to be my friend:

Hello.

Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!

Alex <3

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!