Substance use jokes
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
