Squeak jokes
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
Like this if you are in elementary, middle school, or high school.
Community talk
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lucy, who was known for one peculiar thing: she could not stop farting. It wasn’t just an occasional squeak or puff—it was a full-on symphony of noises, each more unpredictable than the last.
It all started one Saturday morning when Lucy was helping her mother bake cookies. As they mixed the dough, Lucy felt the pressure building. She tried to hold it in, but the more she foc… Read more
MR.NIBBLES KEEPS ON HAVING THESE INFETIONS, HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND HOW DANGEROUS THEY ARE, HE WAKES UP IN PAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, I CAN HEAR HIM SQUEAK IN PAIN AND ILL RUN IN AND TURN ON ALL THE LIGHTS, RUN MY HANDS THROUGH HIS SHORT BROWN/WHITE FURRRRRRR I LOVE YOU MR.NIBBLES IDCCCCCCCCCCCCCC <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333