Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
Me: why are Americans so good at rubix cubing? Friend: why? Me: they have a history of separating colors.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.
Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.
Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
