SOS jokes

Why is Santa's sack so big?

He only comes once a year.

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."

My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.

So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.

Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.

Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat a whole species went extinct.

Yo mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.