SOS jokes

So um uh I like people who like people who like people.

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.

Now we wait.

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

Orphan joke protest! Orphans are nice and kind, so stop joking about them!

Sign a comment and put me or anything else to protest about!

Good luck, Jake.

Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.

Hi guys, I am starting a Gwen funny club. If you wanna join, then just type so here. Hope you have fun!

Oh, and also can be a Gwen name club for Gwens only!

Stop with dumb orphan jokes, you dumb ass people!!!!!!!!!!

They're not funny one bit, so stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who thinks people should stop doing orphan jokes? Type here so we can talk about it.

OK, so Kenya and Kariah are both orphans that hate orphan jokes, so how about we make a joke out of them!

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.

What song does an orphan hate?...

"I'm so lonely."

Yo mama so tall, she was next to Neil Armstrong on the moon.

How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.

How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?

How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!

Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.