My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
"You're the bomb."
"No, you're the bomb."
A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.
