Parker jokes

Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?

Because her neck was killing her.

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

Like if you will sub to Patty Mahomes.

Comment if you will sub to Parker Finch.

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

What is stronger than family?

The tree Paul Walker hit.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."