Parker jokes

Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?

Because her neck was killing her.

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?

Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.

Like if you will sub to Patty Mahomes.

Comment if you will sub to Parker Finch.

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.

When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

What is stronger than family?

The tree Paul Walker hit.

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.