New Off Jokes - Page 40 - Worst Jokes Ever

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.

Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.

There were two guys in an asylum. One was named Kenny, and the other was Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny acting like he was packing his bags. The nurse said, “What are you doin', Kenny?” Kenny said, “Going to Florida for the week.” The nurse said, “Alright, see ya when you get back.”

Next day, the nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny lying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. The nurse said, “What are you doing, Kenny?” Kenny said, “I am at the beach.” The nurse said, “Oh, I forgot you're in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back.” Bob's room was across the hall. The nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. The nurse said, “Goddamnit, Bob, what are you doing?” Bob said, “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny's wife right now, he is in Florida for the week.”

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

I wonder if the 2 Irish kids off the Titanic movie who went to sleep before it sank had wet dreams?

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?

Just turn off the lights.

Why did the guy run because the girl ripped his penis off?

Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?

Snowhere.

What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡