No jokes

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?

A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

Why can’t orphans go on “go big or go home?”

Cuz they’d always have to go big as they have no home.

Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?

He had no legs.