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A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.

Why were the 1800s so crazy?

Because of Hairriet Tubman.

I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.

Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?

Sally.

How do Asians name their babies?

They throw pots and pans around.

"Ching, Chang, Clang!"

Americans are so fat that they named an atom bomb "Fat Man" to describe themselves.

  • 3

    • There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

    They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

    Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

  • 4

    • What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.

    What is the difference between a human being in the car with the snow and a tree and a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠 was your name on it haha 😂 day a day I was thinking of a good

    Friend 1: Eyyy gurl

    Me: Hey! (Fake smile)

    Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?

    6 hours later

    Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?

    Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?