I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up that little shit wants to be gone down an alley
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!”
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like dad what are you doing? I said don’t worry you’ll be doing it soon. He said why is that? I told him my arm is getting tired.