Worst Jokes Ever

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Jazzy💕

Every god damn day

The image shows the text "Me: *puts on hand sanitizer* A cut I never knew existed:" above a picture of Elmo engulfed in flames.

deez man

The image shows three actors who played Spiderman: Tobey Maguire, Tom Holland, and Andrew Garfield, side by side. Above them, text reads, "Doctor: don't worry kid, it's just a mild cold. My hospital room next day:".

Heroin Monkey

The image contains text from a tweet by Alice Smith that says: "Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. Elect a man to fish for you, and all of a sudden fishing becomes some mystical function that only a few elite in society can perform, at great expense to the rest of it."

TaylorSwiftBoat

A tweet saying "Chance the rapper dropped 'The Big Day' And America responded by having 3 straight mass shootings."

Heroin Monkey

A teacher points at a screen that says: "Pi day is just a fake holiday created by math companies to sell more math."

Heroin Monkey

A dog runs fast on a green field. Text overlay says, "how I run to my bro on Valentine's Day (hopefully hes oiled up already)".

Heroin Monkey

The image shows a Google search page for "sigma". The results are encircled and connected by lines to multiple images of Patrick Bateman.

Nateツ

The little kid in the corner is me

The image shows two kids on their first day of school. One kid is smiling and standing upright, while the other is lying on the floor, seemingly tired or not wanting to be there. The text on top says, "There's two types of kids on the first day of school."

deez man

elmos bad day

A red Elmo puppet stands outside on a dirt and grass surface. Someone points a large silver revolver at Elmo. The background is blurred, showing a tree.

Heroin Monkey

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Heroin Monkey

The image is a four-panel comic showing how to celebrate Valentine's Day. The first panel shows a box of chocolates with the text "BUY CHOCOLATES." The second panel shows a teddy bear with the text "BUY A CUTE TEDDY BEAR." The third panel shows scented candles with the text "BUY SCENTED CANDLES." The fourth panel shows a bottle of wine and a wine glass with the text "BUY A BOTTLE OF GOOD WINE." Below these panels, there's an additional panel that shows a person in bed with the teddy bear, a spilled bottle of wine and an extinguished candle.

Heroin Monkey

63 0060
Romeo & Juliet
is not a love story.
It's a 3-day
relationship between
a 13yr old and a
17yr old that caused
6 deaths.
Sincerely,
Everyone Who
Actually Read It

mal

happy valentines day everyon!

A pink Valentine's Day card with a portrait of Johann Sebastian Bach. The text on the card reads "come bach my love", and is signed "To: WJE From: MAP".

Thoughtless

V-day mascot! (OC)

A pink background with a red heart character that has an unhappy face and stick arms and legs. On the left side, it says "Better luck next year", and on the right, it says "Lets all be lonely together!". Above the heart, it reads "Happy V-Day".

Heroin Monkey

The image shows an iPhone X with a price of $999.99, an AK-47 with a price of $600 on the Afghan black market, a furry convention ticket for $36.87, 20 magazines with 800 rounds for $300, and a van rental for $40. The text at the bottom says "Fun day out = $976.87".

Wade

Mine is better than all of yours

A cartoon image of Deadpool holding a bloody heart with the speech bubble, “MY HEART BEATS FOR YOU!” and below “HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY”

mal

A drawing of Joseph Stalin on a pink card with the text "QUIT STALIN AND BE MY VALENTINE", "Happy Valentine's Day", and "Love: MAP, Stalin, and also Benkling."

mal

happy early valentines day everyone lmao

A Valentine's Day card with the text "BE MEIN" at the top, followed by a cartoon drawing of Adolf Hitler in a brown uniform and the text "Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Adolf, and also BenKling."

trixiedixie🥰

An image of a Hello Kitty figurine with red eyes and a blood-splattered knife. The text overlay reads: "In the day, she likes Hello Kitty. At night she drops the 'O'."

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot from Pornhub displaying a post. The post asks, "If you have sex on Halloween, is it a monster mash or a graveyard smash?" A reply below states, "It's only a graveyard smash if she's had an abortion."

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