Howe jokes
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"
Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Kid: "Dark humor is like a mother's love."
Orphan: "How?"
Kid: "You wouldn't know."
Orphan: "........."
How do you get a million fowl?
You run through Africa with a bullet of water.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?
Both of them.
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.